In the Gap

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If you cannot fill the gap and emptiness in your heart, don’t be disappointed. If you had already filled it, your life would have meant finished.
― M.F. Moonzajer

My one word resolution for 2014 was release so it should come to any surprise that I find myself having to let go of something again; something I was not quite ready to let go of. It was sudden, it was a shock. It still is a shock to my system.

Letting go did not come easy. It was everything I wanted, everything I dreamed about, hoped for, and waited for. Why would I let it go so easily? So I didn’t. For weeks I fought it. With every ounce of power I had, I did not loosen up on the grip. I reasoned with it. I questioned it. I got flat-out angry with it. I wrestled it down to the ground until there was absolutely nothing left, nothing left to feel. And in that moment, I let go of my grasp and fell letting the air below me break my fall.

After the release, I find myself caught somewhere in the gap, between the two trapeze, wondering where to go next. I don’t like this feeling, this feeling of uncertainty. I have nothing to hold on to and it terrifies me. I’m left with the questions of what now?, what if?, and will my heart completely heal?

This is the part that kills me the most, not knowing. It’s not in my genetic makeup not to know. I am always the one who has the answers, who knows what to say, who knows how to fix. I cannot fix my situation and I feel completely helpless and lost.

Through this process of the gap, I have my ups and downs, my good days and my bad days. There are days I find myself reaching back trying to grab a hold of what once was and then there are days I feel uplifted and hopeful for what lies ahead.

As I sit here in the mess, and begin the healing process, I am reminded that while I’m in a gap, I’m not at a complete stop. I’m somewhat like a comma and something new is in reach. I just have to wait, trust, and believe.

If your future seems uncertain, and you feel stuck inside the gap, may you be reassured that something new is on the horizon, and it will be even better than what you left behind. God said that He would not cause pain without something new to be born (Isaiah 66:9) and now it’s up to us to believe. Keep moving forward. Keep pressing on. Don’t ever give up. Your next place of promise is in reach 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyMhvkC3A84

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The Hand that Holds You Up

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Nothing in this world compares to the comfort and security of having someone just hold your hand. – Richelle E. Goodrich

Life is unpredictable. One moment you are high up in the clouds, free, and in love, and the very next moment, you are lying face down on the ground from a blow to the head you didn’t see coming. You are left completely blind sighted, with a broken heart, and shattered dreams. It’s quite possibly the darkest moment of your life.

I know this because I was just there seven short days ago. I did not think I was going to make it, but by the grace of God I did. Fortunately, I had a women’s retreat previously scheduled tucked away in the Smokey Mountains in Gatlinburg TN. The solitude, the seclusion, and the support of Godly women were exactly the medicine I needed to soothe my broken heart. I took that time to grieve and just be.

Time moved on and now I find myself fully standing on my own. In looking back, I can clearly see God’s provision in this trying time. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God knew this attack would come. The night before this all happened, I felt His peace wash over me. It was the peace that kept me moving, dragging forward. He sent me the truth in the words of a song, in the words of a friend. If I needed to grieve and fall completely apart, He just let me be. Once I cried out for that peace again, He swiftly came to my side. He was the hand that held me up.

Through this song by Shane Harper, Hold You Up, I am reminded that there will be times when the world breaks us and we honestly don’t know how we will be able to go on. God will usher in during our time of need and hold us up until we have the strength to stand again on our own.

Wherever you are at this very moment, God is right there waiting to take you by the hand and comfort you during this difficult time. He will never leave your side. He will carry you through to the other side. I assure you. I would not be sitting here typing out these very words without that very hand keeping me together. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone and someone out there is thinking and praying for you. And remember this, God will not allow pain without allowing something new to be born (Isaiah 66:9).

I’ll see you on the other side.

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