One can give without loving, but one cannot love without giving. – Amy Carmichael
In the year of 2013, a little over a 11 months ago, I set out on a journey to find love. My plans tightly defined consisted of falling in love and living happily ever after. Little did I know that my plans would not unfold as I imagined. Oh, I met a man, but not in the capacity I was hoping for – strong and stable both emotionally and financially. I met a man who was broken in every sense of the word and who desperately needed to be loved. So instead, I found a man to love and not a man to love me.
Anyone who knows me can attest, I either give it my absolute all or nothing. Very rarely do I settle on a lukewarm approach. Through the course of time, a friendship developed, and I began pouring my heart and soul into every fragment of his broken heart and damaged mind. I poured out love financially, spiritually, and emotionally and over time, my efforts began taking a tole on me. The demands of my job were just as intense and I was reaching my breaking point. Something had to give.
Through it all, I kept thinking once he gets back on his feet emotionally and financially, then he would replenish what was taken. That time came and went, and the well was still running low. When my wishful thinking did not work, I began verbally sending stress signals. I need this…I need that…Still nothing.
In spite of my warnings and distress calls, he kept coming back taking what little was left. Maybe he kept coming back out of habit. Maybe the need was greater than I could sense and he needed more. Whatever the case may be, the well could not sustain itself and collapsed taking me down with it.
I know him and I know him very well. He’ll get thirsty again and he will try and stop at the well for a drink. Only this time, the well will be gone. Sadly, there is nothing more to give.
Whatever happens at that point is out of my control. I can only hope and pray that he will finally realize what the well has been trying to teach him all along. Maybe he will finally realize just how important love is and without it, he would not be standing where he is today. Maybe then, he will realize that you cannot simply take, that you must also give. No matter what condition your love is in, you give and you give whole heartedly.
There is a world full of hurting people, including myself, and maybe all we need is one drink, maybe one visit from the well. As I close out this chapter of love, I hope that in the next chapter he begins to pour out all the love he has received so that love does not have to stop here.