Second Guessing Love


Your task is not to seek love, but to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. – Rumi

This journey to love and especially the place on the map I am currently at, has me second guessing this choice for my one word resolution. I want the easy stuff, not this gut wrenching, heart breaking, trust testing, kind of love that stretches and pulls and shatters my way of thinking.

As my trust is being tested yet, again, I strap on my running shoes and break for the door. This is too much, I cry. As the tears stream down my face, I think to myself. What a fool. There you go believing in him again. You keep fighting for him, but at what cost? 

My mind. My sanity. My heart.

It never fails. Along comes this message to make me question my next step.

love knows no limitsThe truth is, I have not yet reached this level of love. I have limits to what I can endure. I have trust issues. I am starting to lose hope. I am starting to cave into my circumstances. I am starting to lose the firm grip I once had.

Where I stand right now, I am heavily contemplating abandoning my quest for love altogether. It’s too hard, it’s too costly, and to be honest, I’m not sure it is worth it. So, the questions begin. Do I have what it takes to stay the course, to persevere, to outlast it all, and to be left firmly planted in love?

With my feet pointed away from love, I stop and turn back around. Maybe I do have what it takes. I have to stop second guessing love and simply believe in it.



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