The Page Before

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The shell must break before the bird can fly. – Tennyson

A few days ago, in passing by a friend’s desk, I noticed a book he was reading. It was titled A Thousand Tiny Cracks. Not considering his a respect for privacy, I flipped it over so I could find out what it was about. After all, it was there out in the open for anyone to read.

This line immediately caught my attention.

There were a thousand tiny cracks in her protective coating, but it only took the right one for the entire shell to fall away…

At that moment, it was no longer about the author and what she wanted to say, it was solely about me. The words were like an internal mirror and that mirror had something important to say. My experiences in life taught me to protect myself as there was no one there to protect me. I created a protective coating so I would not be hurt by someone or something and in doing so, I blocked out anything potentially good.

Although this coating portrayed one thing, I desperately wanted to not be so guarded and so protected. Deep down, I wanted to be careless, reckless, and somewhat on the wild side. My mind, however, would not let me in fear of potential threats.

With every relationship I pursued, it was if my protective coating was being chipped away little by little, but no matter what, they could not completely destroy the cage I enclosed myself in.

But something new, has surfaced in my life and it is teaching me something. It is teaching me that my life should not always be so guarded. It is ok to step out into unfamiliar territory again. It is teaching me to take risks, to put myself out there, and crack open the book a little bit more.

I am not exactly sure if I am going to open the book, A Thousand Tiny Cracks, and actually read the pages, but I am sure that I am going to open the pages of my own heart.  For so long, it has been stuck on the past, on the page before, and was too afraid to turn to the next one.

With every story, there is always a beginning and an end. I don’t fully believe that my story, my journey towards love, has ended. I think it is actually just beginning. And like the author said, maybe all it will take is the for the right one to come along so the entire shell can fall away.

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