Too Afraid to Suffer

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For my life is simply unbearable without a bit of courage.– The Cowardly Lion

Coward – one who is not brave, one who fears many things. The word recently came to my mind as I was dealing with a confrontational issue with one I use to consider a close friend. I am a coward when it comes to this situation and especially when it comes to love.

When coward comes to mind, I immediately think of the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. The Cowardly Lion was the last friend to join Dorothy on the journey to Oz. I find it ironic that on my last leg of the journey – a place of love- that a coward is joining me as well.

I thought my one word resolution – love – was going to be easily attainable. However, it’s the first month of exercising my word and I’m already faced with my first challenge – myself.

Admitting that I want love is not the problem. Carving out the space in my heart so love can fill it again is the challenge. It hurts and yes, I am the coward. I’m scared to love again, scared to break down the walls, and scared mostly that it won’t work out again.

I wish this fix was as simple as drinking “liquid” courage, but it is not. And as much as I want this, a man is not going to fall out of the sky either. In the end, the Cowardly Lion displays bravery in helping Dorothy defeat the Wicked Witch.  I can only hope as I continue to exercise this word, that I too might have the same outcome.

Cowards are not the ones who suffer from love. Cowards are the ones who don’t fall in love because they’re too afraid to suffer. – Unknown

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One Word 2013 : Love

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“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Originally in my mind, I thought 2013 was going to bring new beginnings and prosperity, but all it has brought me is sickness and hibernation. I’m over sickness. I want to feel 100% again. In my journey to get back to myself, I have logged countless hours on the couch and watched many movies. One of my faves is Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts.

She, like myself, is on a journey to find herself. While in Italy, she has a love affair with food. While in India, she is stripped of everything and has to deal with the past. And in the end, she finds love in Bali.  Even though I’ve seen this movie several times, what captured my attention this time was throughout this whole process she was in search of a word.

Her friends would ask, “Liz, what is your word?”. She would jokingly say, “pizza” and then go eat a whole pie. Not too bad if you ask me.

I too am searching for a word. A word that will sum up 2013. One word resolutions have changed my life. In 2011, I chose engage. Not because I was looking for a diamond, but because I was tired of living in the back seat of my own life. In 2012, I chose connect.  I wanted my heart and mind to connect on some deep levels. I wanted revelation.

As I round out my own eat, pray, love journey, I too want to “cross over” like Liz did in the movie. I am healed of the past, I have found a sense of balance, and now I want love. I want to give love and receive love.

With a little help from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, this is who I want to be in 2013.

4 Nichole is patient and kind. Nichole is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. She does not demand her own way. She is not irritable, and she keeps no record of being wronged. She does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Nichole never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Nichole is love and will be loved.

Cheers to 2013!

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