There are quite a few secular movies about women on journeys to find themselves.  A couple of my favorites are Eat, Pray, Love and Under the Tuscan Sun.   The plot is typically the same – the betrayal of a loved one or loss, the aftermath of that betrayal, and then the trip to leave all of the mess behind.  In turn, they begin the journey of self-discovery. 

The journey for me has been one of self discovery.  I have been searching for complete healing, finding joy in a life that set me up for failure, and digging deep in my beliefs that there is something better ahead.  The journey has been enduring and grueling – facing the past and reliving the hurts, the emotions that caused me so much pain – but reliving the darkness allows the light to shine again. 

“Help us to be ever faithful gardeners of the spirit, who know that without darkness nothing comes to birth, and without light nothing flowers.”  – May Sarton

Through that darkness, my dreams are birthed.  For the longest time, those dreams were manifested by what I’d like to call outward things – walking down the aisle, publishing books and have them on the NY Times Best Sellers List, being fit and healthy, engaged in life, owing a beach house, and experiencing financial freedom.

But with every failure and disappointment, my hopes of obtaining those dreams are quickly being shelved. I find myself standing on the outside looking in. There they are, my dreams, waiting for me, only I cannot reach them. It seems something is in my way. There is yet another hurdle standing before me.  Only this time I believe it is me.

There is still something missing inside me. Is there still mistrust?  Do I lack peace and joy? Do I not simply believe? I honestly believe that the missing link will be the bridge to the desires of my heart.  Only when I seek Him with all of my heart, will my desires be fulfilled (Psalms 37:4).

If you find yourself on a journey of self-discovery, what is it that you seek?  Are you dreams coming true or is there still something missing?