The Journey of Self-Discovery


There are quite a few secular movies about women on journeys to find themselves.  A couple of my favorites are Eat, Pray, Love and Under the Tuscan Sun.   The plot is typically the same – the betrayal of a loved one or loss, the aftermath of that betrayal, and then the trip to leave all of the mess behind.  In turn, they begin the journey of self-discovery

The journey for me has been one of self discovery.  I have been searching for complete healing, finding joy in a life that set me up for failure, and digging deep in my beliefs that there is something better ahead.  The journey has been enduring and grueling – facing the past and reliving the hurts, the emotions that caused me so much pain – but reliving the darkness allows the light to shine again. 

“Help us to be ever faithful gardeners of the spirit, who know that without darkness nothing comes to birth, and without light nothing flowers.”  – May Sarton

Through that darkness, my dreams are birthed.  For the longest time, those dreams were manifested by what I’d like to call outward things – walking down the aisle, publishing books and have them on the NY Times Best Sellers List, being fit and healthy, engaged in life, owing a beach house, and experiencing financial freedom.

But with every failure and disappointment, my hopes of obtaining those dreams are quickly being shelved. I find myself standing on the outside looking in. There they are, my dreams, waiting for me, only I cannot reach them. It seems something is in my way. There is yet another hurdle standing before me.  Only this time I believe it is me.

There is still something missing inside me. Is there still mistrust?  Do I lack peace and joy? Do I not simply believe? I honestly believe that the missing link will be the bridge to the desires of my heart.  Only when I seek Him with all of my heart, will my desires be fulfilled (Psalms 37:4).

If you find yourself on a journey of self-discovery, what is it that you seek?  Are you dreams coming true or is there still something missing?


A Peculiar Display


One of the Christian artists I grew up listening to was D.C Talk.  They are most known for their song Jesus Freak

What will people think when they hear that I’m a Jesus freak
What will people do when they find that it’s true

A freak is “commonly used to refer to a person with something unusual about their appearance or behaviour”.  By following Christ, I eventually become the person who has love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  So by this standard, there is something unusual by appearance and behavior. 

I’ve been marked by my Maker
A peculiar display
The high and lofty, they see me as weak
Cause I won’t live and die for the power they seek

For years, I let the opinions of others loom larger than the truth – His truth.  I was more of a closet Christian – too afraid to open my mouth and share in His goodness; too afraid to stand out as someone different.  But as I have walked it out, sought His truth, and seen my own transformation in His eyes, hiding and shrinking back is no longer an option for me. 

I don’t really care if they label me a Jesus freak

There ain’t no disguising the truth

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Maryanne Williamson

Maybe it’s time to shine your own light!  Give a display that is peculiar!