I was talking (instant messaging actually) a friend today and he asked when I would be updating my blog. My reply was, “I really don’t have anything to say.” He accepted my answer without questioning, but I really was not satisfied with my response. Really, I don’t have anything to say? I have heard that on average a woman can speak 25,000 words a day and men use more like 10,000. I would have to agree, because I’ve been told recently that I’m a “talker”. So how is it that I am participating in a Bible study titled “Conversation Peace” which focuses on the power of transformed speech and I really don’t have anything to blog about?! Everyday brings about new experiences, new situations, and new people. Everyone one of us has something to say about our day whether it is positive or negative.

It’s the eve of my birthday and I cannot help but stop and reflect on what the last year has meant to me. It was a year of heartache, betrayal, darkness, and growth. I’ve been watching the two day Whitney Houston interview on Oprah and I cannot help but be moved by her words. She was very candid and shared some of the darkest times of her life. She said that she did not know her own strength. This year I too learned the depth of my own strength. I know I am nothing without God and He empowers me to wade through the valleys and overcome the mountains!

Even though it appears in my current situation that I have nothing, I have everything! I have rich relationships and love is walking beside me hand in hand. I have been blessed beyond measure and have allowed myself (for once) to receive this love! It leaves me wondering why I ever felt unworthy to have received these kinds of blessings. So during this time, I am thanking God for all the lives that have intertwined with mine.

I’ve come to the strong realization that my walk with the Lord must be daily, even hourly, not weekly, on Sunday, or just in a time of need. When the Lord is not allowed to be on the journey, things quickly get out of balance. Insecurities seep out and display a broken side of me, past hurts arise and quickly find someone new to take the blame, feelings of abandonment begin to rise and I feel myself drowning. So I find myself asking, why is it so hard to have the Lord in my life at all times? Is it that I think I have it under control, do I like my plan better, or is it back to the trust issue again? The simple answer to all my problems is to seek His kingdom first, live on His word, live in His grace, and rely on His strength. However, there are still some barriers (unknown to me) that prevent me from reaching that place.

Like with any relationship, new and old, you simply have to take it day by day. Keep it simple and walk in love, have mercy on one another and lift each other up in their time of need. In one of my favorite poems, the Father spoke to the child and said, “Come child, let us journey together. Where shall we shall we go Father? To a distant land, another Kingdom. So the journey will be long? Yes, we must travel everyday. When will we reach our destination? At the end of your days. And who will accompany us? Joy and Sorrow. Must sorrow travel with us? Yes, she is necessary to keep you close to Me. But I only want joy. It is only with Sorrow that you will know true Joy. What must I bring? A willing heart. What shall I do on this journey? There is only one thing that you must do-stay close to Me. Let nothing distract you. Always keep your eyes on Me. And what will I see? You will see My glory and know My heart. The Father stretched out His hand. The child, knowing the great love her Father had for her, placed her hand in His and began her journey.”

And although I feel a little out of balance at the moment, I know His hand is right there waiting for me so we can resume that path that was meant for me.

Love in Christ,
Nichole

Sometimes things come to me in a random but profound way and sometimes I have to process or chew on the information for a while before I actually comprehend. Today, I was hit with a random but powerful thought. I know by studying the word and experience that my God is bigger than all things and capable of turning anything around in a blink of an eye. So with that said, why am I still unemployed? Looking at my resume, you can see that I am ‘all over the map’ when it comes to work experiences. I’ve managed a grocery store, been an office manager, worked in health care, and been a teacher. Surely, I can bring something to the table that is truly desired! Am I being overlooked or is God pulling back on the reigns for some reason only He knows. Is there some powerful lesson for me to learn? Yes, I am learning to depend on Him with every fiber of my being, but is that it? Is there more to this story?

I cannot help but wonder, if I got it all wrong in the past. What was my true motivation for working and was my talent and passion truly being utilized or masked by financial burden and stress? Did I not give enough of my time and money to those that were truly in need or was I busy trying to fill my life up with stuff that benefits no one, but my selfish needs? At this point of the journey, who’s identity do I hold…myself or His? Ephesians 1:22 says, “God is building a home. Fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Jesus Christ as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. I am not sure what the blue prints on my house look like, but I have to trust the divine designer that He is building me a house to be glorified!

I know that if given another chance, I will make better choices and have different priorities. I will give more and take less. I will give thanks more and complain less. Just as 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives become brighter and more beautiful as God enters and we become more like Him.” What identity do you possess? Do you like what you see?

Love in Christ,
Nichole